Blog444

There is a TV show called “Dancing With the Stars”. The participants on this show meet their partner in advance, then practice for weeks before their performance. I’ve got a better story than that. I was dancing with a woodchuck.

I had not previously met the animal before the dance. There was no practice before the performance. The difficulty factor was increased because we were not dancing in a safe, climate controlled, wood floor studio. It was in the middle of the lane on the Rt. 490 expressway with traffic whizzing by at nearly 70 MPH.

It happened on my way to work this morning.

I was driving in the right lane on Rt. 490 near Bushnell’s Basin when I saw something odd in the road a half mile ahead of me. Something was moving back and forth in the middle of the lane.

As I approached, I could see that it was an animal moving in circles. What was odd was that half of its body appeared to be red and white. As I got closer I saw that it was a juvenile woodchuck. The reason it had a red and white appearance and was walking in circles was that it had a Coca-Cola paper cup stuck on its head.

It was not possible for me to just drive past and let the animal get blasted by a car behind me. With no hesitation, I pulled into the left lane then, after passing the woodchuck, pulled off on the shoulder on the right side of the road. Now I had to get back to the animal before someone behind me whacked it. I quickly stopped then backed up on the shoulder to within 10 feet of the the constantly circling, young woodchuck.

When I left my car, I reached for my cell phone as I thought I would take a picture of the situation. Did I mention that this was on the expressway and that cars were barreling at me at 70 miles per hour? Nope - this was definitely not going to be a photo op. As you are probably aware, statistics show that using a cell phone on the expressway is dangerous. I decided it was best to abandon the photography idea to maintain my focus and thereby limit the number of stupid things I would do on an expressway this morning to just a woodchuck rescue.

As I approached the animal, there was a car coming in the right lane about a quarter of a mile away. I stood on the white line on the roadway shoulder near the circling woodchuck and the driver changed to the left lane to avoid us both.

Here is the scene: It’s 9:00 AM on the Rt. 490 expressway. A juvenile woodchuck has a Coca-Cola paper cup stuck on its head and is near the middle of the right lane walking backwards in circles. I am between the woodchuck and the left lane where cars are zipping past my back.

I am paying attention to the traffic so that I don’t end up listed in tomorrows paper as the, “Stupid Webster Man Killed On Rt. 490“, and at the same time, keeping the woodchuck in front of me so it doesn’t get into the passing lane. The best outcome I could envision is that tomorrow both me and the little woodchuck will still be relatively anonymous, and alive, giving each of us the opportunity to do stupid things on another day.

I’m standing in the lane first eying traffic, then the woodchuck, with the obvious play being to pull the paper cup off of the head of the small, constantly circling animal. The plan is that after I remove the cup, the woodchuck will see me and zip off the expressway away from me and into the safety of the weeds.

That was the plan. Notice that there is no mention of dancing in the plan.

I reach down and pull off the cup. Instead of turning and running from me, as was my perfect plan, the woodchuck staggers one step to the left. I immediately match the move to keep the critter from going into the passing lane and sure death. The animal sees my feet in front of it and stops. Then the little critter looks up at me and leans to its left side. It’s dizzy! Dizzy from all the backward circling! The woodchuck is looking at me, leaning to one side so dizzy that it can’t walk!

Perfect. Dancing on the expressway with a dizzy woodchuck was definitely NOT part of the plan.

The woodchuck, ten inches from my feet, stagers a bit to the right. I immediately follow the lead and head it off at the pass.

The difficulty factor of the dance is still in play as there are cars zipping behind me. I keep looking from the woodchuck to the oncoming traffic to make sure no one is in our dancing lane, and the cars will pass safely behind me.

The dancing continues as the woodchuck moves to the left and I cut it off again. This time though, it moved a little away from me and towards the edge of the road. I closed the gap and we again square off.

It was only about 30 seconds of total elapsed time to this point but, on the active expressway, it seemed like an eternity.

The woodchuck didn’t stagger quite so much this last move – the dizziness was wearing off.

Another move to one side by my dancing partner and I follow the lead. I cut it off, close the gap, and it again retreats - this time to the shoulder side of the white line on the edge of the road. We’re making some progress.

I was now about 3 feet from the animal which is staring at me intently. After a few seconds more, it turned to the left and started moving again. This time the woodchuck was more sure footed. It started walking, then bounding a bit. As it moved, I mirrored its movement, occasionally closing inside the 3 foot gap, herding the woodchuck off the pavement and into the weeds.

The animal was safe, and I was still warped enough to think it was a good thing to have danced on the expressway with a dizzy woodchuck.

For my departure from Las Vegas, I had pre-packed the night before so that I could seamlessly depart in the morning. I found out, that on this day, I was a horrible seamstress.

I grab the suitcase check out at the front desk, then walk to the parking garage to the rental car parked on level 4. D’Oh! I cannot find the car. It was a couple of days since I parked the car and every silver car looks the same as my rental car. I have to resort to walking down each isle pressing the key remote until, finally, one car flashes its lights. One small time delay is no big deal, so it would seem.

I head to the airport to drop off the car to catch the flight back home with roughly 2 hours for the task. It turns out the rental drop off is not at McCarrin airport as I thought, it is off site. The quest for a seamless, time-effective Vegas departure is starting to unravel a bit with this second time consuming set back.

I drive to the off-site return, drop off the car, and catch the shuttle back to the airport. It takes a bunch of time. The check in time for domestic flights is usually 30 minutes before departure; which is what it is at Rochester, NY. It is getting close, but there is still over 50 minutes before departure. I get in line and wait a bit and then I get to the United Airlines check-in counter 45 minutes before plane departure. I am told that I got bumped off the flight because I had not checked in 45 minutes before the flight. “I am standing right here and the flight does not leave for 45 minutes.”

“No. It is less than 45 minutes.”

Bam! Bumped because I showed up, literally, less than a minute late – seconds in fact. Las Vegas, McCarrin airport (as with several other airports - check it on line) has special rules - 45 minutes, not 30 minutes and it is not negotiable. I was told to go to gate D35 for the next flight. I am relatively inexperienced at the flying rules, so I go though security and make it to gate D35 and ask for a seat assignment on the next flight.

“No.”

“Excuse me? … No?”

“No. You are a stand by passenger. You have to wait until a seat is available.”

I was not transferred to the next Chicago flight as I had thought. The poor time effective execution of morning tasks which produced the, “40 seconds late” infraction put me on stand by. No seat was available on that flight. No seat was available on the flight that departed 1.5 hours later, either. Stranded in McCarrin Airport.

Here is the standby rule for United:

As the United Airline stand by rules apply to me, I am on stand by until a flight to Chicago is under booked. All flights on this day are booked. The first flight with space is tomorrow, Monday 6:25am. If I pay $150.00 to change my flight and book myself on the flight tomorrow, I can get on that plane. If I don’t pay $150.00, then I am still on stand by and I could miss that flight if it gets fully booked (as every flight was today). When I asked them to please return my money, they deny it, because I purchased a discount fair – no refunds. All you that fly more than me saw that coming, didn’t you?

I asked the counter person, ”How many people are in front of me on stand by?”. I was told that I could not get an answer as the number (position) in line is not a fixed number. As I found out, stand by does not mean being booked on the next open seat, it means I only get a seat when the plane is on the tarmac, about to leave and there is an unclaimed seat. Further, United Airlines Stand By is not a normal first in first out queue. It is a weighted, priority queue. If a United Airline Frequent Flier Member shows up for stand by, they go ahead of non members. If you are a United FF member, and a FF member with more points shows up on stand by, they go to the front. If todays Letter Of The Day is G and George shows up, George goes to the front of the line.

Under those conditions, it is obvious that I could be here for a VERY long time. Literally, according to the United stand by rules, if every flight is booked consecutively, OR a higher priority member arrives to bump me down the queue, or George shows up, I would NEVER get on a flight. Then, if I do get a flight to Chicago, I will be on stand by on my connecting flight to Rochester. Again, it is possible, according to the United stand by rules, that I would NEVER get on a flight if every flight is booked and filled at the time of departure, or George suddenly wants to got to Rochester, just for the amusement derived from bumping me again. The only way out is to pay $150.00 to change my ticket and book myself on a new flight. I payed the $150.00 to change my ticket. 

All this because this morning I was a horrible time managing seamstress who lost the car, whiffed on the off-site airport rental car drop off and, as a result, showed up 40 seconds too late at the United window.

Important Note: 40 seconds too late at the airport can cost you $150.00, 24 hours of your life … and counting.

I desperately needed to vent my aggression at those responsible for this airline mess. Instead of misplacing my aggression in an angry exchange with the nearest United Ticket agent, I identified the correct individual, angrily stomped up to the knucklehead in the mirror and described exactly how I felt about his miscalculations and oversights. In a rather unusual turn of events, it was oddly relieving to simultaneously vent and take responsibility for my own actions.

I am constantly evaluating and reviewing the things I do in life in an effort to learn from my experiences and to make better decisions in the future. It is an engineer thing; I have always done it. After reliving and evaluating the past 37 consecutive hours of being awake, here are my take aways from this airline travel experience:

1) Be VERY early: The security hassles take a tremendous amount of time. It ALWAYS takes longer than you think. Get to the airport very early. It is indescribably better to be waiting around at the gate with the opportunity to be bored before your flight leaves, than it is to be ticked off for hours, stuck overnight in an airport bitching about 40 seconds of a missed opportunity.

2) Look at the BOARDING TIME on the airline ticket, NOT the departure time. The boarding time is your drop dead target.

3) Check and double check the departure information on the airline display panels to be positive you are standing at the proper gate at the proper time. In O’Hare, the departing gate number and departure times often change - and it can change repeatedly. If you are standing at the wrong gate you will miss your flight. if in doubt, ask a gate agent. 

On Friday and Saturday, I took full advantage of the standing TAM 6, “walk up and say hi” mantra. I met and talked to the folks that create one of my favorite podcasts: The Skeptics Guide To The Universe; Steve Novella, Jay Novella, Evan Bernstein, Bob Novella and Rebecca Watson. I also got to meet Brian Dunning who creates another favorite of mine, the Skeptoid.com podcast.

I briefly talked to Richard Wiseman

… as well as Adam Savage (Mythbusters).

Even though all these people were in great demand, they all found time to chat. Exceedingly difficult to do when there are lots of demands on your time, but somehow they managed.

At TAM 6 I had the pleasure to meet this man, Hal Bidlack. Hal did an outstanding job as the TAM 6 MC - he was very entertaining and professional.He is intelligent, wise, friendly and a logical thinker with a wonderful sense of humor. Despite these traits, Hal is seeking political office. While talking to him, I asked him straight up, “You are a very smart man man - Why would you go into politics?” His answer was this; “Because I believe that I can do some good”. If you live in Colorado, vote for this man. If you don’t live in Colorado, move there and then vote for this man. Don’t take my word for it. Learn about him or better yet, talk to him yourself – you will be favorably impressed. I did talk to him and I am impressed. Very impressed.

Everyone at Tam 6 was encouraged to not be shy, “Just say hello.” And in fact, the founder of TAM, The Amazing (James) Randi, insisted that people stop by to greet him, which I did.

James Randi is a delightful man who tells the best stories. (Visit Randi.org to learn more about this fascinating man). Even though there were more than 900 people attending the seminar, Mr. Randi somehow found time to talk to everyone that wanted to visit with him, Including a bald guy from Webster, NY.

I was able to speak to Penn and Teller individually. I asked Penn if it was troublesome to be a public figure and always have people wanting to talk to him. He said, “No. If you don’t want to talk to people, then you should not be in the entertainment business.”

Later, when Teller was asked if he hung out with Penn outside of the shows, Teller said that he and Penn were co-workers, in the same way that most people have co-workers. They work together well, but did not spend much time together outside of work.

On the first day, I had left my camera back at my room so I don’t have pictures of me with Penn or Teller.

Before sunrise on Thursday, I struck off from Pleasanton to Las Vegas to attend the TAM 6 conference. It is about a 10 hour trip. I fired up the podcasts and away I went. First no AC, then as the trip progressed the AC was started and then incrementally increased to full. I thought it was just the intense sun requiring the full AC setting until I stopped to get some fuel in the Mojave desert. POW! Open the door to the oven and get blasted with 108 degrees!

Here I am trying to look cool in 108 degrees. Notice that I was only one step away from the car door and the life saving AC. Put in fuel, jump back in and turn up the AC. It was still well over 100 degrees when I got to Las Vegas Thursday night.

There were 178 rooms on the 16h floor of the Flamingo hotel/casino. If you by chance pick the wrong elevator (which I did) you could be as much as 4, very long hallways away from your room. Here is the first hallway (Notice that little dot on the right side at the end of the hallway? That is a full size person):

Hallway 2:

Hallway 3. Fortunately, I was prepared for the journey as I had with me: One liter of water, food, rain gear and a map.

My room was 16172 (16th floor, rm 172) the second to the last on the left side of this hallway.

The conference on Friday and Saturday was good fun! The speakers were excellent and the people I met were cool. All of the presenters and the host, Hal Bidlack, were top shelf. A pretty good feat as there was more than 12 hours of presentations/speakers at the seminar. I learned a bunch, and picked up some perspectives/views I had not previously considered.

My cousin, Tom Decker said to call him anytime I was in California if I wanted a place to stay. One phone call and Tom and his wife, Mari, said, YES! Please stay with us!

Very cool.

I visited Tom and Mari where they live in Pleasanton. They took me to lunch (and picked up the bill) where we chatted for a while. I then went back to San Francisco in time to attend Susan Gibney’s play on Tuesday evening at the ACT on Geary Street in San Francisco. Though Susan had a minor role, she was excellent. Perhaps I am a bit biased, but that is my official review.

After the play, Sue and I stopped by for a bite to eat at a small restaurant on Geary Street a couple of blocks away from Sue’s apartment. It was good to see Sue and to be able to talk for a while about the play, the actors and the work that goes into such a production.

I made it back to Pleasanton a little after midnight to find a warm, comfortable bed prepared and waiting for me. The inflatable bed was sitting squarely in the middle of the living room, in front of the fireplace.

Wednesday, Tom an Mari took me to see their “Work in progress” property in Ben Lomond, a town outside of Santa Cruz. It is a house on an acre of land in the woods, literally surrounded by trees - no grass yard.

Afterward, we went to the Santa Cruz beach for some walking in the sand. It was fun to get on the beach again - this time in 60 degree weather that was comfortably cool and did not require me to cover myself with sun block!

After the beach stomp, Tom and Mari found an excellent lunch spot and again insisted on picking up the bill. My next stop – Las Vegas.

I arrived in San Francisco on the 16^th, Monday afternoon. If you happened to catch the news you may have noticed that my arrival was the day that same sex couples were allowed to wed in California. If you saw the news, you may recall that the first couple to be married were two women who were in their 80’s. For those keeping track at home, you can note that I made it through the San Francisco labyrinth, emerging still heterosexual and single. Thank you for caring.

On Monday night I stayed at my friends apartment. Susan Gibney is in a play at the ACT in Geary St. She was out of town on Monday night but left the key for her apartment at the office front desk so that I would have a place to stay. It was very kind of her to let me use her flat. On Tuesday I traveled to Pleasanton, CA to visit my cousin Tom and his wife Mari.

Try to imagine this:

• Entertaining at your house with anywhere from 10 to 20 guests every night for a week.
• Organizing and coordinating daily activities for 10 to 23 people every day before the evening entertaining at your house.
• Having 10 (or more) overnight guests at your house each night for a week.
• Included in the list of 10, everyday over-night guests are the bride’s mother, father and stepfather as well as the groom’s mother and father and a video video guy whom the bride had met once, and the bride’s family has never even seen - and everyone got along.
• Planning the wedding at a local church and a reception for 70 people that is to be held in your back yard on the Saturday at the end of the week.
• The reception is to include an awesome 5 piece band, an open bar, a catered dinner which included an excellent, on site staff of chefs creating magnificent hors d’ oeuvres and top shelf dinners that EVERYBODY loved.

Now try to imagine you and your betrothed organizing, coordinating and overseeing all this which is done the week of your wedding and done so well that it went off completely smoothly. Zero complaints. Everyone was happy at the end.

Stop imagining that it is impossible. Tori and Doug did it.

I was there. I saw it happen. There are pictures and video to prove it. The new Mr. and Mrs. Waffen with assistance from the Mays family, Waffen family and their friends pulled it off.

Best time I ever had at a wedding in spite of the fact I dragged more than 40 pounds of camera gear 5,000 miles from Webster to Hawaii and was working, shooting video the entire week.

It was amazing!

The wedding shoot went well. I had one equipment problem with a camera (it died) but since I had brought 3 cameras for a 2 camera shoot, I swapped in a different camera and the wedding went on with video cameras rolling. Doug’s next door neighbor, Mike, stepped up and volunteered to man the second camera position, making my charge of shooting the wedding much easier. Thanks Mike!

The reception was awesome! The food was great (Ahe, and Scallops). The band was outstanding. The casual dress code plus the reception situated around the stunning visual impact of a back yard patio featuring a two tiered, infinity pool in Hawaii, with the nicest folks you ever want to meet, was wonderful.

I was invited to partake in the ritual wedding toast started by the Waffen brothers years ago, which I interpreted as being formally accepted into the Waffen clan. I am honored, thank you.

Hmmmm … I guess that would mean that Uncle Gerry is my new rich uncle! Except that he is not rich and he is not really my uncle, but I don’t care as long as I am mentioned prominently in his will. Ooh, … did I say that last part about the will out loud …?

I was behind the video camera early on and later I tracked down some wedding cake and a Mia-tai chaser, so there are no still pictures for me to post today. Use your imagination – it was fun.

Today is packing day. I leave for California tomorrow. I will do laundry, help tidy up around the house and then pack up my stuff for the trip to San Francisco.

Today folks dispersed in various directions. The group I was with drove to Pearl Harbor where we visited the USS Missouri and the memorial for the USS Arizona.

The papers for the official surrender of the Empire of Japan and the close of World War II were signed on the deck of the USS Missouri. I had seen the Missouri in many pictures and film clips so I was cognizant of this historically significant ship.

The scale of the armament is very impressive. My mind’s eye generated a seen as I tried to image what it was like when the 2,700 pound, 16 inch shells were fired from the massive guns.

The Arizona Memorial can be seen directly off of the bow of the Missouri. The Missouri was specifically brought to Pearl Harbor because the resting place of the USS Arizona in Pearl Harbor signifies the start of WWII, and the USS Missouri signifies the end of the war.

After touring the “Mighty Mo” we took the ferry to the USS Arizona Memorial. Tom Waffen (Doug’s father) said he had visited the memorial in 1960 and noted that, at that time, there were a lot of people crying. In 1960, WWII was still very fresh in the minds of the visitors.

Now, nearly 2 generations later in 2008, the atmosphere was reverent, but there were no outward displays of emotion.

Freedom isn’t free. Unfortunately, the USS Arizona is one of many monument reminders of the human toll paid by people I never met which enable me to travel unencumbered through the greatest nation on the planet. I am grateful.

I spoke with no one as I silently moved around taking pictures.